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Post by Whisperstar, Dewpaw & Skypaw on Feb 24, 2006 22:57:58 GMT -5
*Whisperpaw smiles pads softly over to the base of the tree and obediently digs a shallow hole in the earth, a shallow root digging at her claws and burries the mouse for later, then stalks off to hunt some more, disappearing into the shadows of a fern, hoping her luck at hunting will continue before she must head back to camp.*
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Post by Icestar on Feb 25, 2006 22:19:49 GMT -5
OOC: Thank you, Spotchpaw. Whisperpaw, perhaps you could add some more detail and description? I understand being pressed for time, but if you do have some time on your hands, please use it to add more character to your posts. If you can do that, you'll be really rolling!
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Post by Whisperstar, Dewpaw & Skypaw on Feb 27, 2006 20:53:21 GMT -5
ooc: I fixed my last post. It was short, but I hope this is better! ;D
BIC: *Whisperpaw slips through the ferns quietly, her ears pricked for a sound. A bird calls over head, but it was flying off, making it an impossible catch. She walks for a while, creeping forward as quietly as possible. Finally she hears a small scratching, almost undetectible. It comes again and she follows the sound until she sees a small red squirrel at the base of a tree, tiny claws and teeth biting at an acorn. She steps lightly and gets close to it, but luck suddenly goes against her and the breeze changes, carring her scent to the small creature. It scampers forward up the tree and she leaps after it, but in its fear it is too fast and is gone, leaving her clinging to the tree diappointed. She jumps down and shakes herself, getting the bits of bark from her fur with a sigh. She licks a paw for a moment then goes off to try her luck again, hoping it'll be better next time.*
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Post by Icestar on Feb 27, 2006 23:59:26 GMT -5
OOC: **Applause.** Very good, Whisperpaw! Very good, indeed. That's the way to do it, descriptive to the point of interest, but not over doing it.
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Post by Whisperstar, Dewpaw & Skypaw on Mar 4, 2006 23:20:11 GMT -5
ooc: Thanks Icestar! I think that was alot better too!
BIC: *Whisperpaw moves quietly through the grasses and opens her jaws to scent for any prey. She smells the scent of a mouse nearby, but it is stale and she also scents the smell of a mint plant growing nearby. She smiles, because it is one of her favorite scents, but she walks on. Nearing medium sized stone seemingly growing from the ground she smells the scent of another mouse. She sneaks up carefully, but curses her luck as she realizes it is only the scent of a mouse hole. Her whiskers twitch as she gives a scratch at the earth around the tiny hole. She turns around, admitting defeat when a rabbit blunders past her. Smiling at her sudden change in lucj she creeps stealthily up to it and pounces down on it, biting it in the neck for a swift kill. She smiles in delight as she begins to dig a small hole to bury it for later.*
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Post by Icestar on Mar 5, 2006 19:03:48 GMT -5
OOC: ;D Beams of pride are shootin' out of me, Whisperpaw! ((As weird as that sounds.. )) Very good. I would only suggest these two things - 1.) Post in past tense. (e.g. - **Icestar leaped at the butterfly playfully and swatted at it with his paw.**) 2.) You did good describing, but the only thing is that you had hardly any descrition when you were dealing with the rabbit, which should be the main point of your post. See what I mean?
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Ashpaw
Apprentice
Apprentice
The oldest Apprentice on this site! Woop Woop!
Posts: 67
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Post by Ashpaw on Mar 5, 2006 20:50:53 GMT -5
OOC:Not to over-look your command Icestar but,I'v all-ways been told to post in present tense. BIC:
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Post by Whisperstar, Dewpaw & Skypaw on Mar 5, 2006 22:00:44 GMT -5
ooc: Thank you! I've heard posting it in both ways, past or present. but just to stick with one way, so now i'm confuzzled! I'll get more descriptive when it comes to dealing with the prey though! bic: *Whisperpaw pulled the last bit of dirt over her fresh kill and decided to go down to the river to try her luck at fishing, since she knew she needed some practice at it. Within moments she is there and within sight of the river, listening to the playful splashing of water on shore and stone. She went to a calm spot that has a bit of an over hang with some reeds swaying in the water, and licked her lips at the thought of fresh fish and smiled. Whisperpaw saw a flash of silver and the movement cought her eye. It was a medium sized fish swaying just before her. She froze and made sure her shadow didn't fall over the water, before her paw darted out to swipe at it and her claws hooked into its back, flicking the fish up on shore where she swiftly dispatched it with a bite to the back. She went to turn around and see if she could get another but backedup too far and fell over the edge with a surprised yeep. Her head went under for a moment, water overpowering her sences. She thrust her head up and took a breath and swam strongly for the shore. Once she's was there she shook herself, water running down her sleek fur in little rivlets and she licked her paw and drawed it over her ears.* I know I needed to wash after hunting, but that was rediculous! *She said outloud, letting a smile show. She went to where her fish is still lying, thankful, it too wasn't thrown in and quickly burried it, making sure not to fall in again.*
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Post by Icestar on Mar 6, 2006 22:44:26 GMT -5
OOC: Excellent, Whisperpaw. Yeah. I have been told by Trilli, Sandegar, and Terri that one should post in past tense. But Laurn, Ely, and others suggest present tense. The truth is that it doesn't matter. Laurn Flame-eyes herself stated this clearly. It really just depends on two things - 1.) Whichever you prefer 2.) What your leader tells you to do.. Do it out of courtesy. However, I shall not ask you to change your style if you would like to keep your posting uniform. That is a-okay with me.
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Post by Spotchfur and Torquestripe on Mar 6, 2006 23:53:31 GMT -5
**Back ay camp, Spotchpaw watches all around in case of anything that might happen. Eyes half closed, she yawns. The sun feels good on her back, nice and warm. Dozing for a bit, she opens an eye to look around, then closes it to doze some more. She opens her eyes again, just in case.** Wonder when I can go back to hunting.
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Post by Whisperstar, Dewpaw & Skypaw on Mar 10, 2006 22:13:11 GMT -5
ooc: Alright. I'll stick with present tense, because I'm so used to posting that way. bic: *Whisperpaw walks back towards Icestar, first digging back up her fish and then padding back into the forest to where her mouse was. She smiles at her mouth waters at the scent and taste of fresh kill, but restrains herself from eating it and ignoring her stomach's mutinous rumblings. When she's gone about half way she sets her fresh kill down carefully on the ground to take a swipe around her jaws with her pink tongue and to scent the air for anything else she could catch. Just the stale scent of a blue jay in the tree above her head is in the air. She shrugs and picks up her prey and walks lightly back, hoping that when she asks her leader if she can bring this back to camp, she can either come back out and hunt again, or get a nice nap in the sun.*
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Post by Icestar on Mar 13, 2006 18:53:04 GMT -5
OOC: Okay. Here's what I want you two to do- Spotchpaw- I am going to make a thread where you and I can train privately for your medicine career. You are welcome to hunt. Whisperpaw- Feel free to continue hunting. I would like to point out one thing, though.. And this actually goes for both of you- Everyone- Just because I am having you all hunt, and 8 times out of 10, you guys score and catch your prey, that doesn't mean that food isn't scarce. I want you all to have equal opportunities to practice your RPing; but if we were being sensible, we would not be nearly as sucessfully in our hunting. I just want you all to keep that in mind. So do not go posting on the Gathering that RiverClan caught fifteen mice, ten voles, and three trout today. Also, I will not be RPing on here. I will be simply giving advice in OOC form so you can learn and better improve your skills in Role Playing.
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Post by Whisperstar, Dewpaw & Skypaw on Mar 14, 2006 17:53:11 GMT -5
ooc: Oh, i know that! It would be impossible for that much prey to be running about, or else we'd all be so fat we wouldn't be able to walk from so much fresh-kill! ;D
bic: *Whisperpaw carefully trots back to camp, her fresh-kill in her jaws firmly. In no time the camp is within sight and she sighs at the thought of finally putting down her burden. She walks easily across the stream onto the island and walks into the peaceful camp. There she deposits the prey she had just cought onto the pile, flicking a scale from her mouth with with her paw. She then walks back out fo camp with quick, even strides, eagar to be back out hunting once more.*
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Post by Spotchfur and Torquestripe on Mar 14, 2006 21:05:55 GMT -5
OOC: Thanks Icestar.
IC: **Spotchpaw stands up and stretches.** I'll go see if I can catch anything. **She leaves camp into the dense forest.**
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Post by krason on Mar 16, 2006 18:16:01 GMT -5
*Smallpaw, fresh from a cat-nap, padded across the land-bridge. When he came to the forest, he crouched low to the ground and moved silently through the leaves. Suddenly, he smelled and heard a mouse scampering through the ground plants. He crouched even lower, and waited, waited...and POUNCED! He landed on the mouse and killed it with his claws. Proud of himself, he dug a small hole and buried his fresh kill in it. He then started hunting again*
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